to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
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