help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
