i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
