Cold hands, warm shart.
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
