I wish I could punch you in the face.
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
