found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
