so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
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