the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
