I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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