I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
