You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
