How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
