Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
We have so much sex to catch up on
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Randomize