I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
