He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
