dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
