He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
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