That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
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That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
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