Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Randomize
