I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Randomize
