Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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