I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
