The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Randomize
