I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
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