the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize