your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Randomize
