I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
