Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
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