he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
