Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
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