Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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