My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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