My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
