soooo we both peed the bed last night...
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
