giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
