My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
