I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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