This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
