I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Randomize