I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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