I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize