i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
