My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
