walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
