using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
It's blow job season.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
