hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
