Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
don't judge my taste in strippers
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Randomize
