I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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