it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize
