Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Randomize
