the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Randomize
