Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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