I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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