i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
i drank out of a bidet.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Randomize
