Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
