Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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