U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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