Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Randomize
