Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
