mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
