She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
I'm both gender and math confused
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
