I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
