doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Randomize
